In reaction to heavy pressure from lobbyists representing big box retailers, large breweries and the healthcare industry, Congress is considering legislation to turn three holidays into one. The so-called “HalloThanksMas” legislation will combine traditions from Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas into one 90 day celebration of sexy costumes, drinking, football and credit card spending.

“There is no questions these are the Big Three of holidays” says Barry Meded, spokesperson for the U.S. Retailer Association. “Why not combine them to keep the pedal to metal. We’ve already convinced the public that Halloween is a time for slutty costumes. We’ve got them leaving families on Thanksgiving Day to go shopping early and we have them watching NBA basketball on Christmas Day. This should be a slam dunk. “

Hallothanksmas is expected to be celebrated from Oct. 1st through December 30th when it is expected to be followed by New ValenBlack History Months.